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The current year marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {